Americans have always talked about the means necessary to encourage citizens to treat each other with dignity and respect, in keeping with equality as defined in our defining documents. Most recently, Bullying has been the organizing rubric where youth are concerned, and Cultural Diversity has pertained chiefly to adults. Relatively less effort has been directed at strengthening youngsters, America’s and my most important group, to rise above what I term intended assaults and continue preparation for successful living.
I have devoted my endeavors largely to ethics, character, community, and leadership development initiatives designed to improve overall environments, from families, to schools, universities, corporations and entire communities. In organizations with high levels of moral and ethical ethos, abuses are relatively rare, and, if they should occur, are dealt with decisively. However, the core component within my global approach is Personal Development. Character, “selfness,” or spiritual strengthening is the surest means of countering arbitrary and superficial in-group/out-group designations that place some entities above others and give rise to Bullying, as well as racism, sexism, and other negative biases.
I have been told that my approach to make people psychologically strong and capable of self-definition and maintenance thereof would cause them to become harmful themselves. The naysayers implied that as one strengthens the capacity to defend one’s personal humanity against monsters, one would become a monster. I could not disagree more! The two conditions — “passive victims” who expect, and need, only positive treatment from the human environment and abusive socio-paths – are not either/or propositions. In fact, those who have little spiritual strength to thwart attempted assaults are more likely to either “collapse” under psychological anguish and further damage themselves; or resort to violence and direct revenge responses, which may result in additional personal harm.
We will never rid this society of evil-doers. Even when we pass laws, enact policies and conduct workshops on the manner by which we should treat each other, these efforts do not guarantee that all the people with whom we come into contact will treat us decently or even attempt no harm. The behavior of each individual member constitutes and reveals groupings’ real operational values as opposed to attitudes and written policies and credos. Despite new and increased penalties exacted against violators of prohibitions, i.e., anti-hate laws, we still see every day that many people are willing to risk penalties themselves rather than refrain from assaulting people they hate. Nearly 200,000 hate crimes occur annually — nearly 50% are race related, and 70% of the race-related are anti-Black (SPLC). Few of the abuses are ever brought to the attention of responsible authorities in any venue.
Very little, if anything, is “inborn” in humans that is exclusive, or even relevant, to the specific genetic or cultural society into which one is born. Human beings are born quite malleable and remain so throughout their lives, but never more so than when young. Children have to be taught how to be members of distinct units in specific cultures. Moreover, children have to be taught what good and bad behaviors are, to want people to be kind to them, to expect such treatment, how they should feel under good treatment and bad treatment, as well as how to respond when people violate their humanity.
We should not reduce the effort to encourage people to refrain from deliberately trying to inflict pain on others, physical, verbal and symbolic. But we must do more to help youngsters understand the difference between physical abuses and symbolic ones, verbal and gesture, so they can build the level of psychological power that will equip them to withstand symbolic assaults attempted against them. The member of a group that has been subordinated, abused and demeaned, who does not develop the ego-strength to assert himself for his own Selfness and to defend it internally where it really counts will be forever victimized in America, much of which will require his participation for the harmful intent to become effective.
I have found it infinitively easier to enjoin strong, personally competent, courageous adults to exercise compassion and consideration for others, than to teach weak, frightened people to become strong and courageous, especially those who have grown to adulthood in environments that infused them with self-victimization traits and unrealistic expectations, no matter how compassionate and decent they might be.
The steps to personal Virtue, the ultimate level of spiritual strength, not just goodness, can be taught. Excluding the physical, the individual who is at tempting to insult or bully another is responsible for only one step – the words or gestures, a small matter quite easily done. The target has the responsibility for all the other steps if the insult is to become effective, e.g., harmful; or ineffective, harmless, depending on the decision the target reaches. Coping mechanisms – Personal Development, Effective and Ethical Decision-making – can be learned. I am glad I learned this long before I emigrated from my all-Black community into White America.
