by Sam Rasoul:
VA House of Delegates
As parents of three young children, my wife and I constantly wonder if we are doing enough in raising them. We have them in a good pre-K program, surround them with learning toys, and read to them every day. The latest studies confirmed our intuition that we have been too heavily focused on the ABCs and not focused enough on socio-emotional skills or emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence, measured through an emotional quotient (EQ), may be the top indicator of a person’s success in life. So EQ, not IQ (intelligence quotient) may be the best predictor of future achievement, contrary to popular belief. Emotional intelligence refers to a person’s ability to perceive, control, evaluate and express emotions. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities and make personal decisions that achieve positive results, according to Travis Bradberry of TalentSmart.
A stunning statistic from Bradberry’s analysis shows that 90 percent of top performers in every field of work have a high EQ. Whereas IQ measures one’s ability to learn, EQ gauges an intangible skill set used to guide a person through various situations in life.
“Intelligence matters, but it is what you do with your intelligence which matters even more,” writes Dr. Wartski from the North Carolina Psychological Association. We have all encountered highly knowledgeable individuals who seem to be unable to optimize their potential because of a low EQ. In comparison, many people with modest IQs and high EQs are able to excel as they are skilled at managing teams, working a room and handling complex emotional situations.
Finland has such a focus on socio-emotional skill development that most children don’t start primary school until the age of seven. In an Atlantic article “The Joyful, Illiterate Kindergarteners of Finland,”5- and 6-year-olds spend most of their days learning through play and emotionally growing through interactions with others.
The five major components of emotional intelligence are self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skills. Children and adults with high marks in these components have high self-confidence, are open to change, show optimism even in the face of failure and are persuasive. Employers speak of EQ in terms of “soft skills,” and finding workers with polished soft skills has proven to be a challenge in today’s workforce. “No doubt emotional intelligence is more rare than books smarts … it is actually more important in the making of a leader,” described Jack Welch, former CEO of General Electric.
The importance of emotional intelligence stretches far beyond the workplace; rather the concept is key to every relationship we have. Friends and family are heavily impacted by a person’s EQ, so constantly improving it will dramatically enrich relationships. To strengthen self-awareness for example, when in the middle of a conversation, try to pretend you are a third party observer in the room. What is noticed about body language, tone, use of words? How about the intent of both parties in the room? Is the dialogue headed in a direction which serves the intent of both or are both parties speaking past one another? I would argue that self-awareness is the most critical component in calculating EQ, as it is defined as knowing one’s emotions, strengths, weaknesses, drives, values and goals — and their impact on others.
Feeling I could be doing more for my children, I recently considered scrapping most of their toys and books and starting over. In reality, I need to focus elsewhere. The good news is that emotional intelligence can be learned, and parents and teachers can become effective coaches for children. The first step is to seek out an objective assessment of strengths and weaknesses, then decide to focus on one specific skill. Dr. Wartski recommends, for example, if your child has trouble with flexibility, start exposing her or him to new experiences, developing more coping skills and fostering adaptability. She highlights the importance of working on one’s own emotional intelligence as we are helping the next generation.
Many of the serious hardships that our friends, family, or even we face tie back to struggles in certain EQ areas like self-confidence and motivation. By working to raise our EQs, we don’t just increase the quality of our own personal and professional lives. We become more resilient and able to overcome setbacks. While books and computers can help us absorb new information, the inner tools we use to manage ourselves are what truly lead to self-actualization and long-term happiness.
