by Shawn Nowlin
Ask ten men if they personally know of any males who have physically abused women and most responses tend to sound like, “Years ago I did, but the majority of guys I know now would never do such a thing.” Ask ten women if they know of any females who have experienced physical abuse from a man and usually, most can personally identify multiple individuals.
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, one in three women has experienced some form of physical violence from an intimate partner.
Up until a few years ago, those who’ve endured abuse had limited options for dealing with arbitration, convicted people of domestic abuse had free reign to purchase firearms and background checks on those between 18 and 21 purchasing firearms were feeble at best.
Under the Biden Administration, the reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), a bipartisan effort, has been signed into law. Last month, the President also established the first-ever White House Office of Gun Prevention, overseen by Vice President Kamala Harris.
Reasons why abused individuals stay in unhealthy relationships range from being financially dependent to ashamed of disclosing the truth.
Cassidy got so used to being abused by her partner of nine years that she regularly purchased makeup and glasses to cover the marks. Over the summer, surveillance footage caught him repeatedly punching her as she tried to escape his grasp. When he was sentenced behind bars for a long rap sheet of crimes, Cassidy says it was one of the happiest days of her life.
“False abuse accusations are such a minuscule percentage. All survivors of domestic abuse should be listened to and taken seriously. When I was going through it, I knew that I deserved better, but I couldn’t find the strength to completely detach myself. Had he not gotten locked up, we’d probably still be together,” she said. “If no one has ever experienced this reality, they are speaking from a place of privilege.”
The first time Jae’s partner attacked her, she literally lost consciousness.
“Breaking from that cycle of violence is one of the hardest things that I’ve ever done. The guy I fell in love with was not the monster he became. I rationalized so many incidents for no reason. Looking back, I should have ended things the first time it happened. I want all women to know, especially the next generation, that there is never a reason for a man to abuse you,” she said.
Karl, a father of three daughters, says the only time he put his hands on a female was in high school. “If I knew then what I do now, I would have made so many better life decisions. Abuse isn’t just physical. A common tactic abusers use is gaslighting. I know because I used to be that person,” Karl said.
He added, “There are not enough apologies in the world to make up for all the pain I’ve caused in my past. It shouldn’t be the case, but having daughters changed my entire worldview perspective. As a collective, men simply need to do better.”
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. For anyone experiencing physical abuse from a partner, resources are available. Locally, the contact number for SARA (Sexual Assault Response Awareness) at 3034 Brambleton Avenue is 540-345-7273. The National Domestic and Sexual Violence 24-hour hotline is 703-360-7273.
This Friday, the Roanoke Valley Prevention Council will host its annual domestic violence awareness event called, “Walk in their Shoes.”
